Sunday 16 October 2011

On my way to plan B...

Sometimes, while relaxing at home...I'll think to myself...how did I end up here??. I’m 36 years old and 4 months pregnant...fantastic news for any woman especially being my first...the main difference is that I'm single and haven’t had sex for over a year!

I have chosen to become a single mother through artificial insemination using a sperm donor. This was not a choice I made in the spur of the moment, but a well thought out plan to become a mother while I was still young enough.

I’ve decide to write this blog of my journey from start to finish, as I think it is good for me to keep a journal, as well as perhaps helping other women who might also be interested in going down this path...and for anyone else who may be curious as to what made me chose this path.

I remember when I was 19 and went to a psychic. She told me that I wouldn't have kids until I was in my 30's...I was devastated to say the least! This didn't fit in with my original plan of being married by 25 and having four kids by 30. I would be an old maid by the time I was a Mum! Although that was always in the back of my mind, I was pleased when I met my first long term boyfriend at 21...maybe I was going to prove this psychic wrong!

We ended up dating for 3 years...and during this time, I started university and had a large group of friends. My early twenties flew by and I enjoyed my new found social life. As I was busy at uni the last thing on my mind was marriage and children. Even after breaking up with my first boyfriend, I maintained my busy social and university life.

During my time at uni I had my second long term relationship which lasted for 2 years. I felt it was serious and had potential, however, I still didn’t feel ready to settle down and when he wanted to move to another state I knew I couldn’t leave my family and friends so the relationship ended. By now I was in my mid twenties and some of my friends were starting to settle down and get married...I felt like I should be starting to feel ready to settle down but I still felt I had things I wanted to achieve first. I was just finishing up at uni and wanted to start my career before I settled down. I also really didn’t feel maternal at all...babies were cute but they didn’t make me want one of my own.

When I was 27 I had my third long term relationship, however this ended when I received a job offer to move to another city. I felt that I had become abit stagnant in the city I was living so I really looked forward to the change. So...just before my 29th birthday I moved to my new home. The fact that 30 was looming was in the back of my head, but I guess I was thinking...a new city...a new start.

I dated for several years...courtesy of www.rsvp.com.au which made me realise you really do need to kiss a few frogs to find a prince...but that’s another story! I then finally met the guy I thought was my prince and hoped that he was the one. I was starting to feel ready...and 30 had come and gone. Now was the time to get serious!!!

Although I had doubts about the relationship from the beginning...I was now more than ever ready to really work at things. I was on a mission! Perhaps this made me abit overbearing...or some might say desperate! Two years into the relationship I dared to ask the question...where were we going? After being assured that things were on track...although I was not convinced as talking about marriage made him nervous...I hung in there for another year until I realised this guy was not in it for the long haul. I was plagued by the question...should I stay and hopefully wear him down into marrying me...or cut my losses and find someone who truly wanted what I wanted? I chose the later...it was the only fair decision for me & him.

So...there I was nearly 34...and single...again!